July 8, 2015
It has been over a month since I have tried to put any feelings in print. Despite the very sad start to summer with the death of a beautiful young man that I loved, I have tried very hard to keep my head in a good place and stay positive. That is not always easy. I am making some positive changes in my life. This is my 8th week of consistent exercise, 5-6 times a week. I wish I could say I feel better, but I am not a pro at excercise and I have battled some overuse injuries, etc...I have continued with my exercise even with the aches and pains. I am thankful for the support of Bailey and Chris. Bailey has joined me on walks and in the gym and Chris walked with me everyday on vacation. I am especially thankful that Gina Wells is working with me and holding me very accountable and helping me achieve my fitness goals. She is creative and keeps the gym work outs interesting. I am also thankful that Girls Preparatory School (GPS) is starting a community wellness program. I am Gina’s first participant and she has already had a challenge with me. GPS will be publizing this program soon, so stay tuned. Once I get to GPS and we get started in the gym I am so glad I got up early and made the drive. Being in that gym is a good place for me. It’s a place that Christian spent many hours, even after she was diagnosed with leukemia. So, I feel like when I am there she is probably laughing at all my groaning at the difficult workout and smiling that I am finally trying to get fit. Bailey has joined me the past few times in the gym and I am thankful for her presence.
With exercise, work and vacation the summer has been busy so far. Our vacation was the week of my 49th Birthday. I honestly do not know what happened to me that week, but I started getting in an emotional funk and I have really struggled to recover. I love the beach and I loved being with Chris and Bailey and the Cullums. The Cullums are very good friends and we have vacationed together in the past. I am so thankful that Emily and Corbin were there with Bailey and we all really did have a good time. It will never be okay that Christian was not there too and by our last day, I had held the tears back as long as I could. There were so many good moments, but with those moments, my heart still aches and longs for Christian’s presence.
We have been back from vacation for a week and half now and I keep hoping that my emotions will level out and I will feel happy and good. I guess, I just want to feel that way all the time, not just at times. I think most of you know that read this, that I really write for me, for my mental health. I always feel better after trying to get my feelings in print. Writing is a big part of my therapy and my healing. I will never completely heal, but I know I have times when I am so much better. There are some really exciting things coming up...Team CMB will participate in the 7 Bridges races for the 4th year! I hope you all will consider being a part of Team CMB this year. I am also very excited about the journey to build a new Children’s Hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee for the children of our very large region. This will happen and I cannot wait to take a very active role in this journey. Both Christian and Bailey recieved exceptional care at T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital/Children’s at Erlanger. Our children and our future deserves this new hospital. As I end, my heart is not as heavy...I know my thoughts and feelings may come out unorganized and sound a little crazy at times, but I feel better right now. For this, I am thankful! As always please remember to LOVE DEEPLY, FORGIVE OFTEN AND FIND YOUR BLESSINGS! - Robyn