January 18, 2015
The new year has literally been a roller coaster of emotion, highs and very lows. I think this year I am more prepared for the lows, but I have not been prepared for what has triggered the lows...Sometimes, I wonder will the deep grief and longing ever end...I have decided the answer is NO! I loved Christian deeply, she was part of me and I will forever long for her presence and I will always miss her.
This past week has been kind of crazy! Bailey had some health issues and she had a visit to Children’s ED. All is well with her now - but that particular day, I am very thankful for Maggie, a Child Life Specialist that we have been close to for years now. The next day was a disaster, I was trying to be a normal Mama and follow the discharge intructions from the ED - well the pediatrician’s office tried to tell me Bailey needed a Hematolgy consult, I was not particularly nice to the person that called me back. I forgot, that I know and have a close relationship with the blood specialist. I made a quick phone call and within seconds I was on the phone with a “real” doctor, one of my trusted Hematology/Oncologist...within a minute he made me feel so much better. I hate the reason for my easy access and good relationship, but I will not forget about that in the future! Bailey is feeling better and hopefully will be back to 100% soon.
Saturday, was a special day, this is the day of Skylar White’s Celebration of Life. Sklyar is who I have always referred to as the Princess, she was only 4 when she entered Heaven. Honestly, I was not prepared for her service. I thought I would be fine and not emotional at all...wrong! The service was a Praise service, different than the traditional worship I am accustomed to...it was amazing! I cried a whole lot, but here are the highlights, I loved seeing other oncology families present, floor nurses that cared for Skylar and PICU nurses and one of the oncolgist was present. Skylar’s primary onclogist was out of town, but he wrote a letter to her parents that was shared...all I can say is WOW! This oncologist cared for Christian and after hearing the letter, I have to say I felt better about him and I never felt bad before, but it was just a WOW moment. I am thankful I was present to here the words he shared. The other thing that was truly amazing was when Jesse, Skylar’s Daddy spoke, it was beautiful and from the heart. I will always remember him saying, “Cancer did not win” I think that’s how all of us that have lost children due to cancer or the horrific complications feel. And then Jesse sang, truly amazing...a pastor spoke and then Jesse stepped back up...Now for me this is really incredible, Jesse, Sklyar’s Daddy gave an invitation to Christ! The sanctuary was full and I know there were people present that were not Christian..I am hoping they accepted Christ yesterday.
Today, has been laid back for our family, I walked 5.8 miles in the neighborhood, all but a mile of that was with a very good friend. Tonight some other neighbors came over for a visit. It has truly been a good day. I hope as each of you enter a new week you will be thankful and focus on your blessings! (I know, that’s not always easy to do)! Love Deeply, Forgive Often and Find Your Blessings, Robyn