May 12, 2014
We have lived almost 2 years without Christian. I know I have said this before, but the second year has been much harder for me. Since the beginning of 2014, I have had major emotional struggles. These are hard to communicate with those you love most. I praise Chris and Bailey for just surviving the roller coaster of my emotions and living with me and still loving me. I am so thankful for some other Mothers that walk in my shoes that have literally been a strong hold for me.
So, let’s just focus on the now....I privately boycotted Mother’s Day in my head, I shared that with very few. Then yesterday, my sweet Bailey said the words and my heart melted just a smidge. Late in the day, she gave me a card she made and my heart completely melted. I have been blessed with 2 great daughters. And then, Bailey Bryant, washed my vehicle inside and out and did an amazing job! Because my emotions were pretty raw this past weekend, I sent my Mama a message, letting her know, I may not call. Yesterday, I did send my very wonderful sister, who is expecting a baby, a message to let her know I was not taking calls or making them. She and Mama live close and she was with her when she got my message. She sent my a great picture of Mama and her daughter, Sabena. (I posted the picture of Mama tonight, but edited Sabena out...I do not like anyone to post pictures of my children without my permission on social media, especially Christian).
Anyone following my blog, knows we are building a house. I loved every minute of the early phases. The past weeks, that has been a major stress! I like control and like with Christian’s illness, I have no control of some things at the house right now. Today, I sent our contractor a list for the day. I may send a new one tomorrow. Our new house is beautiful and very well built, our contractor is great and our “job boss” is very good. Today, I think almost every employee of Kim Woods Construction was at our house. We are down to finish work, but there was a lot of progress today. So tonight, I was thinking through the day and this is what stood out.....Some of the younger guys were running a lift and cleaning all the windows inside and out. I said to them, that I had more windex in my car if needed. They immediately told me they are not allowed to use windex...the best combination is water, vinegar and baby shampoo. This really facinated me...but tonight I was thinking about everything, and in some ways, I think the baby shampoo is a piece of Christian that is sliding in to the new house (there are already other pieces there). After Christian got sick, she was given baby shampoo and lotion in the hospital. She did not have hair for long, but would shampoo what was there with baby shampoo and the lotion became an essential. The smell of both will always remind me of my sweet Christian. So, tonight, I am thankful and blessed by Bailey and Chris! And hopeful, our new house is complete and we are moved in prior to May 26th, the Anniversary of Christian’s death on earth. - Robyn Bryant