December 5, 2014
This is my first blog post in at least 2 weeks...well, those 2 weeks have been rocky. Not all bad, not all good, just a lot of emotion, some misunderstanding, some joy, some laughter, lots of tears and finally some peace.
The past 5 weeks I have been on a spiritual journey, I think and pray this journey will continue. As everyone knows, being a Mom is not always easy, being a wife is not always easy...but I am extremely thankful I am both. Well, being Christian’s Mama became a little more difficult a couple of months ago, I began to have closer contact with a family and then someone was diagnosed that knocked the breath out of me...for you to undertand this, you would have to understand the weeks leading up to this...well, both of these families lost their children within a week. Due to my contact, I questioned so much and I know I had some very unreasonable thoughts during this time.....
Well, after these deaths, I hit a bad place...but when I hit this place God was already working. Literally, within days of my very bad evening, God was letting me know he was in control. But, it’s all so interesting to me, because, I have thought I had it together as a Christian and my faith has been strong, but I feel almost like a new Christian! God is showing me things I never imagined. I think what has happened is I am now out of pre school and I am in Kindergarten of Christianity. All that said, eventhough, I felt so much better about my spiritual life, all was not good the week of Thanksgiving. Bottom line, when you have lost a child holidays are really unpredictable and can just be awful, this year was just not a great Thanksgiving and the weekend was not great and then it moved into this week....There were so many things that happened, some very good, others just hard and part of the process of having a fractured family.
So, do you ever want a do over of a day or week or month or months? I certainly have had that desire...The “Good” this week...I was able to deliver a surprise to a little 4 year old girl in PICU at T.C. Thompson Children’s Hospital. Walking into that unit, can literally take my breath away, its always the smell, not a bad smell at all, just a smell I will remember forever and associate with Christian being a very special patient there...Okay, so back to the surprise, I arrived early and the little girl was still sleeping...sleep as we all know is needed and good, when she woke up her nurse gave her medicines and told her she had a surprise...she sat in her bed with her eyes shut tight and the nurse had her hands over her eyes just in case...with the help of another nurse, we inflated a 7 foot snowman in her room that lights up...only it’s really a snowgirl, she gave it a girl name. This precious child has the most amazing personality and even though she is battling a beast, she looked at me and said Thank You and then when she was taking a short walk to see the PICU Christmas tree, she said Thank you again and then Merry Christmas! I had to leave PICU as quickly as I could...her statement brought me to tears and I could have litereally sat down and sobbed. I do not know very much about this child, but what I do know would drop everyone of you to your knees and I literally know about half of a pinkie nail. So, I left, and headed to my Bible Study...a rock for me. Well, this particular day it was just 5 of us...but I shared and I learned. And it helped me understand what had been happening in my life the past week.
So, I do not think there are coincidences in life...at 48 1/2 years old, just realized this! God has literally put the same scripture and not just one, but multiple in front of my face over and and over the past weeks...I cannot go into any details about the other stuff this week, but tonight I enjoyed a pleasant dinner with Chris and Bailey. I loved the company of my small family and the things we shared at dinner, but I also love the 2 sweet young families eating in the same area with us and the converstation we shared and their precious children. So right now more than any other time, my quote that I post often that is truly just mine, really speaks to ME! Love Deeply, Forgive Often and Find Your Blessings! I have the third part down pat, working on the first 2, but getting them more right everyday. Thank you for reading this blog to the end and supporting The Christian Bryant Foundation. Much love, Robyn