August 24, 2013 Evening

by Robyn Bryant

August 24, 2013 Evening

Overall, this has been a really good week.  Did I get through the week without tears? No, Sadness, No...but I can still say it has been good.  During one of my work days, I was sitting in my office with a very good friend, that was present for Chris and I throughout Christian’s Race, but the last week stands out most. Somehow, we got on the subject of death, cannnot remember the details.  My friend told me that for years she struggled with her Grandfather’s death.  My response, “When my Daddy died, yes, I missed him, but I did not struggle and I was not sad for a really long time.  I think some of that was I got to have a great face to face conversation with him less than a week before he died.  And the day he died, he was awake, surrounded by all of his children and his 2 oldest Grandchildren and he talked to all of us...I remember arriving in his hospital room and sitting down and telling my Daddy, “see you in another 40 years.”  I was going to be 40 very soon. (Never did I think his oldest Grandchild would join him in Heaven in 6 short years) My Daddy died very quick with no suffering.  I told my friend, that it hurts so much that Christian suffered. She said, I just wish she could have told you all response was, “I think in her own way she was saying good bye...earlier, she would answer questions with head nods, she gave rare smiles, but that last week, when we were present, talking to her, tears just flowed down her face.  It was so heartbreaking.  Chris and I thought she must be in pain, but now, I know she knew she was going to be leaving us, yes, she would get better, but not in this world.  I can still see her beautiful smile and bright blue eyes and hear her saying stuff to me...I miss her with every ounce of my being. 

So, how do we survive without Christian?  That question sounds like her death was just yesterday...But, anyone who has ever experienced the death of a child knows it seems like yesterday forever.....

I survive by constant contact with other Moms that have walked in my shoes.  None of our experiences are the same, but we have all had children leave us...I also survive with constanct devotional reading and quotes and scripture and the friends that continue to surround me and get me through. 

So today, I have had  2 messages that Team CMB is growing, makes my heart very happy!  I watched 2 great GPS Soccer games, both with a win...

How do I survive?  I wake up everyday and know that I have a Bailey and Chris  and if you look at the whole picture of our lives, we are extremely blessed.  Yes, we have had a child die, yes we lost a baby half way through a pregnancy, but we are blessed and I thank God for all the blessings.  I know my Christian is continuing to impact lives...she impacts mine daily.  Thank you for following our journey...Robyn