April 10, 2013
A year ago tonight, Christian and I were in room 316 at Children’s doing our nightly ritual...she would be showering, I would be making her bed up with clean linens and we would talk and prepare for bed. I wish I had written in my calendar who her nurses were each day, but I never thought she would not be with me now.....But, I am certain, as usual she had one of her favorites taking care of her....At this point, Christian was getting progressively worse...she had become refractory to platelets, which means that even with a transfusion her platelet count was not going much above 10,000, if it even got close to that. She also developed abdominal pain. She had never ever had a stomach ache, so she did not know how to tell if the pain was really bad or just a little bad. At this point, her mind was still very clear and we were planning her Chapel Talk Luncheon...we proofed and approved invitations and Missy Hair and Tammy Crutchfield at The Pine Needle in Dalton were working very hard to make sure it was just what Christian wanted.
The weekend prior to this day, Bailey spent the night with us and that was always a treat. Christian loved her sister so much...I wish I had a video of how after she was sick, I would see Christian looking at Bailey and just soaking in all that she is...Christian and Bailey loved each other deeply. I cannot imagine the pain and emotion my beautiful Bailey keeps bottled up...I saw somewhere that today is National Sibling day...shortly after Christian died, one of the few times I have seen Bailey upset...she said, “I will not have anyone to introduce me for my Chapel Talk, I will not have a Maid or Matron of Honor at my wedding.” I have not lost my sister, so I do not know how she feels...I can only try to be a good Mother to her now, my heart breaks for her...she watches sisters everyday celebrating life together...but, now her sister is not with her.
During Christian’s last week in 316, Dr. Avery Mixon was the oncologist on call and he was diligently working with Blood Assurance and the Blood Bank at Children’s to make sure Christian had enough platelets in the hospital and he was also trying to diagnose the cause of her increasing abdominal pain. Blood Assurance was also doing some special things and going above and beyond to try to fix Christian’s platelet problem. One thing, I am always comforted by....every Nurse, Doctor, Ancillary staff member at T.C. Thompson did everything they could for Christian....In just a 2 1/2 days, April 13, 2012, Christian was moved to PICU and that would be her home until she left us for her heavenly home.
Tonight, April 10, 2013, I put on a pair of old blue hospital scrubs...my sleeping attire the entire 115 days Christian was admitted during her last year...I have decided this will be my sleeping attire probably until mid June....one way for me to try to feel close to Christian again.